Billie Besos

So I am officially coming home and I am feeling a weird mix of emotions. On the one hand, I am currently sat on the terrace at the hostel I’ve been working at in northern Peru, chilling with some of the guys that run the surf shop next-door, having surfed for a couple of hours this morning- so I’m feeling pretty good.

The views from said terrace…. could be worse I guess

On the other, I am tired and groggy from having drank too much wine last night (a Monday lol). I have work this afternoon which will probably be pretty slow but it’s the kind of work that I don’t really mind. I booked all of my flights yesterday (after putting it off for so long and trying to find the most reasonable deals) which has suddenly made me feel really strange. I am so excited to get home and see everyone, but this has made the end of my trip feel so close. At certain points during my trip, all I wanted to do was go home; there were times where I was just so unsure of my next move, or how I would get from one place to the next or whatever it may be. But I think this past few weeks was what I really needed to get my energy levels back up and my excitement back for travelling to new places. I have felt so at home here and extremely chilled; I’ve met friends so easily who instantly felt more like family, and I’ve been able to just settle down a little instead of being constantly on the move. I don’t actually know where the time has gone… I haven’t even had that much time to read or blog. I guess I’ve just gotten myself into a nice relaxed routine and stopped being so anxious, and started to just enjoy. It’s made me really rethink how I want to spend my time.

The Moksha fam (minus a few)

Pictured: wetsuit surfing (sadly it’s too cold to go without) but it’s still surfing all the same (left) and a few of the cool peeps I’ve met posing awkwardly for a photo (right)

I’m still very much considering doing my Masters part time in Barcelona which was something I had in mind before I came travelling, but I’m also unsure of whether I want that level of commitment right away. I’ve learnt how nice it can be to just go with the flow and I now have a few different thoughts going through my head: Do I want to do more travelling? Do I want to find a freelance position meaning that I can work from anywhere and so I’m not just limited to being in one place? Do I want to stick to my plan but make sure I spend some time in England this summer, then maybe help my parents with their move to Portugal before I rush off to a new place? I quite like the uncertainty of not knowing exactly what I’m going to do next. How exciting.

Obviously I’m also super excited to be going home. I get to spend a week in Florida with my amazing family that live out there (I hope my grandparents are ready for all of my washing) before I head back (yup this was a pretty pricey detour but will be worth it) and then I have so many lovely family members and friends I can’t wait to catch up with back home, plus even more exciting trips planned over the summer. But I also can’t get over how quickly the end of my trip has crept up on me. I went from one extreme to the other; first of all I wondered how I was going to fill my time and not go home until late May/early June, and then I came to the north of Peru and my final few weeks of travel have just slipped away from me. It’s really given me the time to reflect on and appreciate these past few months. I doubt anyone has really noticed but I have hardly been using Instagram to post updates while I’ve been here; this is partly due to not actually having taken many pictures and having mainly spent my time working, but also because I haven’t felt like I’ve needed to be consantly posting about what I’m up to. It’s been really nice to have known people for a couple of weeks before even knowing their surname or their name on Instagram.

I was sat on this same terrace a week or so ago when I wrote a diary entry in the pink notebook that was given to me before I went travelling by my lovely friend Bethan. Sadly (I hate to break it to you Bethan), I have been absolutely TERRIBLE at keeping this diary updated (I blame this partly on the blog), and except for one random entry I wrote in February that was about four lines long, I had only written one entry in it until now…ONE. And this was on my flight to Costa Rica back in January… so I decided I would use this ‘diary’ (if you can even call it that) to look at how different I am now to how I was back then. I know this sounds extremely dramatic, but I have surprised myself with how I’ve grown as a person. I have included below both my diary entry from Tuesday 22nd January and the one from Tuesday 7th May so anyone with any interest in this big change I’ve undergone (lol) can read them. I know it is the biggest cliché to say that ‘travelling changes people’, but I think these prove that it does. I’ll admit that I think I was a relatively confident, together person before I came travelling. I had my moments for sure, but I know that most people thought of me as having my shit more or less together (even if I don’t think this was always the case). But I have surprised myself with how much more I’ve developed as a person over the past five months. I may have seemed calm and collected before I came away, but in truth I was an anxious little bean (as I’ve written in my diary entry and spelt bean like BEEN which should be ignored); I was worried about how my plans would unfold. I still get anxious now and obviously it would be completely ridiculous if I said that I now don’t worry about everything and travelling has eradicated every little anxious bone in my body, but I have built up so much confidence and have overcome my fear of solo travel in new countries. I now LOVE it.

First diary entry from January…

Second and last diary entry (had to scribble out some really embarrassing parts)

On another note, I’ve also been completely surprised by the correlation between sunshine and happiness throughout my trip. This may sound like the most shallow thing ever but I believe it is true. I have always been a sun-worshipper (more than likely this trait has come from my mother), and I have also always noticed how my mood is changed by sunshine, but I genuinely know for a fact how much Vitamin D affects my mood. I have frequently noticed how happy and productive I have been on the days where the sun has been shining during my trip. I am extremely fortunate to have been in such lovely environments and climates throughout my trip (and nope the whole of South America is definitely NOT always hot like you may think), but I have had so much exposure to nice weather that I’ve really noticed how my mood changes when the sky is grey. I have obviously heard of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and I don’t experience anything this extreme, but I do understand the links between bad weather and depression/feeling lethargic and unproductive. Every few days we have a cloudy day here in Huanchaco, and I have felt so sluggish on these days, mainly just hanging around the hostel and not even feeling motivated to go surfing. This is why one of my life goals is to chase da sun.

Thanks for reading this slightly boring post… in reality I have been having a lovely time working and getting to know the place I’ve been living in. I have taught a bit of English alongside my job at the hostel and have just used this time to keep in touch with myself and how I’m feeling.

This may be the last post I write while I’m actually travelling, but I’m hoping to keep this blog up with posts about different aspects of my trip that I haven’t covered yet, and then hopefully with some posts from when I go to Asia this summer. I hope to travel all my life so who knows how long I’ll be able to keep this up – hopefully a long time!

Adiós amigos, see u soon xx